Meditating to Heal

Living as One 

There is great agitation in the world today; we in the United States are undergoing a change we did not expect nor wish. This international uproar is upsetting to all, questioning how we can survive in this topsy-turvy world. Eberhard Arnold writes: “Situated as we are in the midst of a world that is so terribly unpeaceful, we need constant nourishment for our inner life. In short, if we want to avoid suffering inward shipwreck in the storm of public opinion and chaos, then our hidden inner being needs daily the quiet haven of communion with God.”

We have to search for a harmonious outcome; we can only do this through sharing the love we give to ourselves and our families, offering this same love to those people we do not know. We share this world with everyone, rich or poor, black or white, young or old. Nobody owns this world. The only way that we can appreciate this is to open our hearts and minds to God’s reality. We are all his children; He loves us all equally. We should mirror this example and treat each other this way.

 The upside of this is simple: going through these tough and trying times, we gain strength and endurance. Endurance brings forth character; and character, if allowed, leads to hope, hope for a better life, hope for a peaceful co-existence. Rose Kennedy has said, “Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?”

One of my favorite spiritual influences is Henri Nouwen; through him I have learned and am convinced that prayer can help us. Prayer helps me see new paths and new lights in my life. I get to hear the birds singing in the trees, calling to each other, letting each other know that the feeders in my yard are full, and that I have placed baffles on the poles to slow down the greediness of the squirrels. I love the sound of the birds; these new melodies in the air help give me a new breath to my life, a breath coming from God.

I try my best to look into each person I meet. I do not judge whether they are worthy; this is not my function in life. My job is to welcome each person as an equal, as a brother or sister who is suffering through this life as I am. Together, we can overcome our difficulties and both succeed.

I am troubled when I read statements, such as the one by Josephine Baker, “One day I realized I was living in a country where I was afraid to be black. It was only a country for white people. Not black. So I left. I had been suffocating in the United States…” This was years ago; things have not changed.

We are allowing our governments to separate us; arresting and deporting people of color, who do not talk or look like us. I always ask, “Are not these my brothers and sisters also?” “Do they have to seek normalcy and freedom outside of the United States?” I fear that the country I love and its future are in grave danger of becoming like other empires that have failed through intolerance. I fear that my grandchildren will not enjoy the freedoms we have come to love.

I end with something Leo Tolstoy wrote: “I knew before that God gave life to humankind and desires that they should live; now I understand more than that. I understand that God does not wish people to live apart, and therefore he does not reveal to them what each one needs for himself; but he wishes them to live united, and therefore reveals to each of them what is necessary for all. I now understand that though it seems to people that they live by care for themselves, in truth it is love alone by which they live. He who has love is in God, and God is in him, for God is love.”

 

 

Being patient is many times extremely difficult. Patience takes courage; patience is not waiting for something to happen or waiting or someone else to do something. Patience is living for today, to be completely present in what we are doing in the present time; this means forgetting what was done or needs to be done. To enjoy live, we must taste life, not just let it fly by.

On April 1^st, I awoke to the realization that I would teach my last class on the 30^th. I could not wait; I was anxious for the month to pass a quickly as possible. I completely forgot that the next four weeks would be the last weeks of a 24-year teaching career, that on May 1^st, I would no longer be guiding immature voices in their writing. Don’t get me wrong; I am happy not to be facing the grading of 40 essays a week. I may not miss that aspect; but I will miss the students. So, I tried to savor every minute I had left with them. In my life outside of teaching, my anxiety to retire began to disrupt other enjoyable things.

Perhaps the reason we cannot exercise patience is because we live anxious lives. Sometimes we live fantasy lives. We get so uptight about what is occurring outside our immediate domain that our everyday lives get upset. For instance, I can do nothing about what is happening in our government. I attend meetings and I vote, but other than running for office myself, there is little I can do. This upsets me, but I refuse to let it govern my life. I am unhappy with what is going on, but, I must live my life. And right now, my life is centered on what I will do now that I retire. I have many options and I am taking my time to decide. I am in no hurry; hurrying will only make me tense, and I will lose patience with all other aspects and the people I meet.

Truly, there are times I feel that I am living in darkness, total darkness, and this does make me anxious, and I lose patience. It is at times such as these that I stop what I am doing, meditate, and try to let the anxiety pass. I know that the light will return to me. Maybe what I am trying to say is that I am doing my best to be a truly present human, living for the moment. I don’t ignore the past or future, but today is so important.

When I look to God, I pray that God looks at me. This belief, this trust, helps me settle my anxieties so that I can live for today, practicing patience, patience with all whom I meet. I cherish the special relationships I have created in my life. When I was an independent retailer, I made many close friends, those who worked with me and those who shared downtown Summit, NJ. When I taught at New Providence High School, I also made many friends, from my peers to my students who are now dear friends. And, finally, those professors and students I worked with at Germanna community College; these most recent friends are also people I cherish. I pray that my patience with those I meet add to these deep friendships.

I also like to spend time watching the birds and squirrels feeding at the feeders Linda has placed in our yards. Now that spring has arrived, I am loving the time I can observe God’s nature at work. This is important time for me, but not nearly as important as the friendships I have made in my life. I believe that these friendships have only come about through our mutual patience with each other. I cherish these.

Every day and every hour, let’s walk with patience in our hearts. We’ve tried the other way, and failed; maybe it’s time to try something different.

Seeking True Satisfaction.

Things that once brought us meaning and happiness may longer satisfy us. We then try to create artificial fullness through many kinds of unnatural behavior, but still feel empty and nothing. This just demonstrates that we are in fact imperfect and must forgive ourselves for this state of mind.

The duties of the day invade our cores as soon as we awake each day; more than likely these duties have also interrupted our sleep. We don’t know how we can do it all in one day, accomplishing little, if anything. When we are fully agitated, we race around, running in place. This is the time to remind ourselves to stop, let go, and readjust our thinking.

If we don’t begin to get away from our false selves, no matter which way we turn, we run into obstacle which get us further into the same rut. We keep looking for ways to overcome this, without re-examining what our values are.

This is when I look to others for help, no that they will solve my problems, but they will change the way I think. Many of you know that I am a prayer minister at my church. When I am prayed over by the priest and sent to listen to others, my entire focus changes. I stop listening to my inner voice and listen to others. I then open my mind to God’s words and share these with my prayer recipients.

Before I realize it, my troubles are no longer valid. By getting out of my own rut, to help others cope with their lives, I improve my own existence.

I realize that not all of us can be prayer ministers, meaning we must find ways to take our focus off our failing attempts to cope, and open ourselves to the realities of our true selves, not those created by society. Jesus teaches that we should do as he does, seek others who are also broken and lost. Listen to them with compassion and see their difficulties as your own. By accepting that we are all broken, enables us to heal.

I don’t believe we can do this on our own. I know that God helps us. I know that god helps me.

Letting Go!

We always want good things to come to us, even if some of the good things aren’t always what we expect. I have learned to live life with open arms, trying to let go of the many plans that I have constructed within me that usually do not end the way I expect or even wish. I have had devastation slap me squarely in the face, and I have had blessing that enter my very being as if it were an electric charge driven into my very core.

Living this way, I am reminded that whatever is buried deep within me, whatever dreams and passions I have for myself and those around me are not solely mine. Those dreams and prayers that I have, that construct my very being, are also the dreams and prayers that millions of others have on this planet. We are joined by our desires; we are joined by our prayers. I don’t care whether it is a fellow Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, or an atheist. I also don’t care whether the other is male, female, hetero- or homo- sexual. We all share in these common desires.  

We are all subject to the same human condition; we lack the ability to see beyond our own slanted ideas, our own elementary lifestyles. And if we are equal in all these basics, then we should be, we must be, recognized as equals in all things. Jesus knew this; Jesus taught this. It was his distant followers that demanded inequality. Why should a person who does not pray, does not meditate on God, be sacrificed because we disagree on spirituality? If Jesus didn’t care, then I cannot care.

I am awaiting all to recognize that we are children of God, no matter what our circumstances. Our differences are recognized only by us, not by God. I refuse to be so religious that I cannot join in the suffering of those on the fringes of our man-made societies. I meditate on the coming of that single genuine moment, when I can truly say that my thoughts, my prayers, my desires, are recognized as true gifts given to me by God.

I have many blessings; my family, my friends, my academic associates, and my students, are all gifts given to me . . . gifts, not prizes that I have earned. I believe that when this moment of reality occurs within me, this single moment, this genuine moment will have great consequences for me and those around me. I pray for this much desired gift from God.

Listen – Listen for Wisdom

I was reading one of the many thought-provoking meditations I get on a daily basis, and I was slapped in the face by something that Harriet Tubman said. I don’t know what circumstances led to this, but I do know how this affected me: “When I found I had crossed that line, I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything; the sun came like gold through trees, and over the fields, and I felt like I was in Heaven.”

Have you ever experienced this feeling? I have, twice in my life that I can recall. The first time was in 1980, when Linda and I took my 80-year-old father on a memory trip to his boyhood home in Norfolk Connecticut. We were staying in a motel that adjoined a horse farm. In the early morning hours, I was out to photograph the rising sun over the stables and corrals; this was the first time I had been to an area such as this. Suddenly, I spotted my father standing by the fence, watching a colt romping around; there was a slight mist over the valley, which added to the beauty of the photographic moment.

My father must have heard me approaching; he suddenly turned toward me and began walking away from the fence. I snapped the picture just as he was fully emerging from the mist. He looked like an image of eternity emerging from the shadows of my mind; I later discovered that the photo was exactly as I had pictured it to be.

The second time this glory passed through me was in 2016; I had been suffering through a great deal of pain. Those of you who know my story understand the miracle I was blessed with that took the pain-killing days from my shoulders. When this happened, the felling that I was restored to a product of nature was overwhelming. Not only was I able to see and smell the glorious world that July morning, but I was able to picture a refreshing dip in a hidden pond, somewhere in northwestern Jersey. This euphoric feeling was the closest I ever came to feeling totally detached from the horror I had previously faced. I was a part of God’s true world. I felt that for the first time in a very long time I was true to the myself that God created; I was no longer tethered to the make-believe world of 21^st century America.

I recall the words of Isaiah, “In the time of my favor I will answer you . . .” I was demanding God to heal me; I did so for two years. But, two years to me is milliseconds to God. And, He did hear me.

My prayers now consist of the desire for all of us to speak knowing we are God’s children. I listen to others at meetings decrying the hardships they endure. This upsets me . . . twice. I empathize with their misery; I have been there and in the future will probably return there. I also am upset when I think that my friends and neighbors forget, as I did, that we are children of God. God nurtures us; all we must do is listen (pray?) I pray that the Lord lifts the weight of suffering from all living on Earth. Is this an unreasonable desire?

 

My Prayers for our Future.

Blog April 21, 2018

We humans are strange beings. We are a combination of unbelievable egotism, and at the same time, a feeling of inferiority. No wonder so many of us are in therapy or heavy drug use. We are born as such beautiful representatives of God’s goodness, while we often are convinced by others that we are not.

We are God’s seeds on Earth, firmly planted, enabling us to flourish and to grow. By not realizing this, we sometimes transplant ourselves in believing we are something else. The result is that we do not grow, but wither on the vine. We must be courageous enough to stand our ground, defending the beautiful creatures of God that we are. The alternative is to complain unhappily, just as a little child complains when it does not get its way. We are better than that.

We must accept that we are all good. After all, we are God’s creations, and being thus, we cannot be anything but perfect creatures. This is difficult, but when we look around at the world we live in, the beautiful garden that Earth can be, we see nothing but God’s beauty displayed for all its natural wonder.

We cannot, however, overthink our importance. We cannot think that we are the only worthwhile creatures made by God. How could humans think we were the only or even the main event? Not only did we think that the Earth was the center of the universe; we were certain our human species was the only one that God really cared about. Not only do we think the we are the center of the universe, se sometimes think that we are the only creatures that God really cares about.

Before you jump down my throat about this statement, look how we abuse our world, the world created by God. There are thousands of miles of oceans that are uninhabitable due to the garbage we dump there from our major coastal cities. Our air quality is such that those with chronic breathing issues must move to clean air areas, which are rapidly disappearing. When I was a young boy, my uncle and his family moved to Arizona for medical reasons. I have recently had a friend move from Arizona due to the pollution.

One of the things I pray for and meditate on is for us to change our ways. I only have one grandchild, but I know he must live in the environment we leave him. My daughter is raising him with the understanding, and he has learned this, that there are many people in Virginia who are not as privileged as we are. He serves with my wife at our church’s feeding ministry, recognizing the fact that there are hundreds of people in our community who are living on the edges of society.

I look at the youth of today; between those who are rewriting the future of guns in America, and how my grandson and people his age are concerned about the needs of all people, and I am comforted knowing that they will be the leaders in the future.

My prayers center on the belief that our collective prayers will be heard by us, and that we will begin doing what God was of us.

I was reading the Washington Post on Monday, fascinated by one of the editorials: E. J. Dionne, Jr.’s “Profane President, Penitent Pope” proved more interesting than this simple title. Dionne mentioned that our president does not apologize for anything (this is the last time I will refer to President Trump). Dionne continues with comments on Pope Francis, “First, he did something that comes very hard to most public figures, and particularly to the current occupant of the White House: He apologized fervently for ‘grave errors.’”

 Admission of misdeeds is important in a complete person. We are born into a world of shadows, where truth is many times optional. The pope also mentioned that we “waste precious time, being caught up in superficial information and instant communication.” How much of this is truly affecting our minds, our relationships with family and friends?

Jesus admonished us when he stated that the second most important commandment is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. My query is that it is difficult for us to identify the person with whom we are dealing. All of us are affected by those outside influences that bombard us on a daily basis. We have to look beyond the facades that we post to exist in this topsy-turvy world we have created. As we examine our own inner selves, so must we examine those around us. For example, we cannot be offended when a coworker, or a family member, or a friend snaps at us. We do not know what has negatively affected him. We cannot know the stressors that are holding him hostage.

We cannot completely judge a person by the outward persona. We must take the time to dig through the falseness of their projected image, finding the person that God brought into this world, just as we do with our own persona.

This grave error we make in our relations with others is divorcing ourselves from brotherly love. We are all related in God’s world. Our brothers and sisters are wandering the world, looking for a safe haven to raise their families and turn their frustration into love for their neighbors, as we must do.

In the Old Testament (Leviticus to pinpoint this) is the statement that we must accept the stranger at our door and not oppress him because he looks or talks differently than we do. I am a white American; according to God’s law, the dark-skinned, Urdu-speaking family that moves into my neighborhood or sits behind me in church is related to me in the most basic way. We are living there with our families to nurture them and give them the chance to succeed, as this neighbor is doing, as we are doing. We have entered the church to praise God and receive that comfort and elation that only a house of God offers. As we leave the church, we wish that the feeling of openness, love, and ease would stay with us throughout the week. Normally, it does not.

We can keep this euphoria by looking at that family, open our arms and our homes, accepting them as brothers and sisters, or at a minimum fellow travelers who are struggling to find their way, or, to find The Way.

May God help us do this.

And Sarah Laughed

Sarah thought, “After I am worn out and my master is old, now will I have this pleasure?” then later in Genesis 18, “God has brought me laughter” and she named her son Isaac, which means He laughs in Hebrew.

Sarah laughed. God brings us laughter. I have suffered pain, regret, disappointment, failure, and loss. All these have caused great pain and suffering in my life. But each time this happens, I return to being myself. Joyful, content, happy, and yes jovial.

There is nothing new to this. My grandmother used to say that time heals all wounds. I have to agree with her; unfortunately, she did not live what she preached. My grandfather, whom I never met, left her in the 1940s, moved south, and had another family apart from his first family in New Jersey. My grandmother never forgave him, never let go of the loss, and as a result did her best to sour the life of all around her.

I and all my cousins laughed at her when she went into this routine; after a good cry, or more often, a good rage at everyone, she would settle down and begin to enjoy her grandchildren, there were 27 of us, and begin laughing and enjoying life. For a time.

I have had my times of depression and anguish, some serious, some not. When I remembered to take life as it comes and put my failures aside, I quickly returned to being a forward looking person. It was difficult at times, especially when I almost lost my life and subsequently lost the business I owned. This was a very tough time for me.

But God opened doors that I did not even know were there. I was led into teaching by his angels, some ethereal, some real life people. I glided into teaching with little difficulty and enjoyed 23 years in front of students, from middle school, to high school, and finally, to college. I have loved each of my classes, and each of my students. I have laughed with each of them.

All of these young people added to whom I am today, formed the person I am . . .  serious, but humorous. These classes and individuals over the 23-year period opened a world of understanding to me. I learned to appreciate each of their individual talents. I have always enjoyed music, but to learn about music from my history students when I taught in high school, allowed me to truly appreciate the sounds of quality music; and that does not include Rap.

I also learned to appreciate art and crafts from these young enthusiasts.

The ardor with which they approached their projects impressed me, and help to create an appreciation for all forms of art. Jealous that I cannot do the same.

So I write.

When I write, I laugh.

I also pray; I pray for and pray with others. This enlightens me to another aspect of my life. I rejoice with people, and I cry with people. Every person I pray with and pray for is special to me. At our church we have a prayer circle in which we may not know our prayer target. We have a name only. So we pray for a person we may never have met. This is a truly joyful experience. Because I get to embellish my prayers for this person with all forms of tomfoolery. Hopefully bring him (or her) and me closer to God’s wishes for us and our lives. Hopefully to bring joy and laughter into our lives.

So Sarah laughed; she laughed at God; and He blessed her with a son. Do we dare to do the same? Are we brave enough to laugh at God? Abraham is one of three people who actually saw God according to the Bible. Moses and Jesus also did. And Moses only saw his hind quarters.

We are none of these people; we will probably not see God in this lifetime, face to face or his hind sides. Can we laugh at God? I do it all the time! God created laughter in me; why shouldn’t I share His gift with Him?

From Psalm 109, “With my mouth I will give thanks abundantly to the Lord; and in the midst of many will I praise him.”

On this my 75^th birthday, I reflect on a life of mixed feelings about faith. As a young Marine, I was always angry with God with all I experienced. As I aged, I ignored God for most of my life; I was angry with my parents for many reasons; therefore, I was also angry with God.

But gradually, over the last thirty to thirty five years, I have come to realize that no matter what I have done and what has been done to me, I have always had God beside me, many times carrying me through those really tough times, like a head-on collision with a very big truck.

I also realize and realized at the time, that when I lost my business and went into teaching, the doors fell open so rapidly that it could only have been by god’s hands. As a fifty year old, there is no way that I was a better candidate for a history teaching job in an upscale community. There was also no reason why as a sixty year old I should have been admitted with no difficulty into an elite doctoral program for literature.

The major steps in my life, including my marriage to the love of my life, and the birth of my two wonderful children, have been blessed.

Now, as I turn seventy, and am finally hanging up my teaching robes, I look forward to a life of helping others find their way in life as I have found mine. I will use all I know, including my relationship with God, to help others avoid the trenches that I fell into.

I feel truly blessed by the Lord and in the midst of many will I praise him.

 

                                          Knowing ourselves

This is always a challenging idea. I am never sure if I truly know myself. As I progress in age, I am reflecting on my life, my present circumstances, and my future on this earth. Questions always arise as to what my true nature is. I was reading a passage from the Plough journal and came across this by M. Basil Pennington; I want to share the entire passage with you:

Unfortunately, in seeing ourselves as we truly are, not all that we see is beautiful and attractive. This is undoubtedly part of the reason we flee silence. We do not want to be confronted with our hypocrisy, our phoniness. We see how false and fragile is the false self we project. We have to go through this painful experience to come to our true self. It is a harrowing journey, a death to self – the false self – and no one wants to die. But it is the only path to life, to freedom, to peace, to true love. And it begins with silence. We cannot give ourselves in love if we do not know and possess ourselves. This is the great value of silence. It is the pathway to all we truly want. (from: A Place Apart)

I am due to retire at the end of April, and I am confronted by what I will do for the remainder of my life. However, to really discern what my future will be, I must reach deep inside me to discover what God has planned for me. Pennington mentions silence. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to find true silence. Even when the house is quiet and my wife has gone to bed for the night, I can sit in relative silence to meditate. But I don’t think that this is the silence that Pennington speaks of. I think that true silence is when I clear my mind of all thoughts, thoughts of the just ended day, thoughts of what I must do in my duties as a vestryman and a prayer leader at my church. With a congregation exceeding 1500 souls, it is extremely difficult to rid my mind of ongoing concerns for those I love. I know I must do this to truly find the path that God wants.

I turn 75 on April 7^th; I have many years to serve my fellow man. I know that the service that I undertake will be led by God and that what I do will bring peace to those in my spiritual care.