The Inner Voice of Love
There are times when we must transcend the discipline of darkness to learn that we need a force greater than we are. Darkness is a time to learn. It is easier to hear a songbird at night because we are not distracted by the colors of daylight. I am sure that we cannot be productive in darkness without the hand of God guiding us. Listen for the voice! It is the ever-present voice within us that guides us through our toughest nights.
I recently experienced a minor fall while on retreat in the mountains of the Shenandoah; it was nothing major, just a shake-up. What it did do was bring back the fear of the extreme pain a suffered three years ago, when I could not walk, sit, or lie in comfort, and ended up on major doses of nerve pain medicine that caused me to be in a mild state of euphoria. Presently, I am experiencing weakness in my legs and tolerable discomfort when in a prolonged sitting or standing situation.
The pain is not back, but the fear the memories. The discomfort I feel now is laced with the fear of returning to the state of extreme uncertainty that I was in two and three years ago.
For the past few nights, I have experienced hours of dubiety, enlivened by the distraught nerve endings in my middle back. I therefore, rise and write to get my mind in a better place.
As Brother David Vryhof of the Society of Saint John the Evangelist says:
Quieting ourselves in prayer, seeking God’s guidance and wisdom, we descend into that deep place within ourselves, that part of us that makes choices, to discover what it is that we truly yearn after. It may not be at all what we assume it is. We may be surprised at the hidden forces of desire that rule our hearts.
It is times, such as these, that I begin to truly understand what others have been saying to me for many years. My Father raised my sister and I in the Christian Science religion; my Sunday school teachers guided me in my comprehension of the Word; ministers from New Jersey to Virginia have all passed on the same message. But it is in the wee hours of the morning, when yesterday has barely passed to eternity, that Truth shines bright in my seeming loneliness.
John begins his gospel:
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
God is with me . . . always. I may not always accept Her presence, but I know that I am not alone. And knowing this, I can overcome anything life throws at me.